Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Fits and Starts
(Before I begin, Alan, I didn't quite get your comment. Maybe we can talk about it? Or you can clarify? BTW, which "list" were you looking for? The two posts I can think of were on LS - the joke one for Syv, and the "new list".)
*sigh* Here is yet another attempt to get back on track with this quasi-accountability blog. (Just to be clear, I'm sighing because it's necessary for me to start again. not because I am doing so.)
I think this is a common refrain for me, but it's nonetheless true that this summer I've been feeling pretty "blah" about just about everything. Most of it, I think, stems from a feeling of inadequacy.
At work we have another summer student (to fill in for one co-worker on short-term disability, plus the coverage gap from another co-worker getting a job in a different department--they're not hiring another full-time person until September) and she asks a lot of good questions. I mean, within the first couple of days she asked what "smart-printing" (for reports) meant--and that's something I never thought of to ask in all of my 6 years there! She also seems quite naturally outgoing/vivacious, and that's a characteristic I've always wished I had.
With my Sunday school kids, I know that they like me, and appreciate the fact that I always end at least 15 minutes early, but I don't know if my teaching them is providing them with anything--curriculum related or not--even remotely beneficial.
For the WAY, I feel like I'm constantly dropping the ball. I want to be there more to help in the preparation of the Bible study, but the week when Jeff is preparing it, and would probably welcome my help, my relatives from Philadelphia and Brunei are over and I don't make enough of an effort to maange/schedule my time so that I can help him out. I don't even answer his email asking for help with a Bible study topic.
Softball might be different, though. In that case I think I might simply be (physically) tired. I've never been a summer/hot weather person, and so the extreme heat/humidity/smog of this summer just makes me very irritable and tired, even when I'm not actually doing much. I also feel like I haven't kept on top of my committee responsibilities, as few as they are.
Even though Cecilia and I talked about it, we never managed to get our small group back together for the summer, and I know I could've done more to get things organized.
The list goes on and on and on...
*SIGH*
Instead of turning to God with my weaknesses and inadequacies, I am, by turns, hiding from them or trying to work through them on my own. I rather wish I could say that I was in a "valley" because if I was I'd probably be crying out to God for help, but as it is, I'm just coasting along in mild discontent.
(Before I begin, Alan, I didn't quite get your comment. Maybe we can talk about it? Or you can clarify? BTW, which "list" were you looking for? The two posts I can think of were on LS - the joke one for Syv, and the "new list".)
*sigh* Here is yet another attempt to get back on track with this quasi-accountability blog. (Just to be clear, I'm sighing because it's necessary for me to start again. not because I am doing so.)
I think this is a common refrain for me, but it's nonetheless true that this summer I've been feeling pretty "blah" about just about everything. Most of it, I think, stems from a feeling of inadequacy.
At work we have another summer student (to fill in for one co-worker on short-term disability, plus the coverage gap from another co-worker getting a job in a different department--they're not hiring another full-time person until September) and she asks a lot of good questions. I mean, within the first couple of days she asked what "smart-printing" (for reports) meant--and that's something I never thought of to ask in all of my 6 years there! She also seems quite naturally outgoing/vivacious, and that's a characteristic I've always wished I had.
With my Sunday school kids, I know that they like me, and appreciate the fact that I always end at least 15 minutes early, but I don't know if my teaching them is providing them with anything--curriculum related or not--even remotely beneficial.
For the WAY, I feel like I'm constantly dropping the ball. I want to be there more to help in the preparation of the Bible study, but the week when Jeff is preparing it, and would probably welcome my help, my relatives from Philadelphia and Brunei are over and I don't make enough of an effort to maange/schedule my time so that I can help him out. I don't even answer his email asking for help with a Bible study topic.
Softball might be different, though. In that case I think I might simply be (physically) tired. I've never been a summer/hot weather person, and so the extreme heat/humidity/smog of this summer just makes me very irritable and tired, even when I'm not actually doing much. I also feel like I haven't kept on top of my committee responsibilities, as few as they are.
Even though Cecilia and I talked about it, we never managed to get our small group back together for the summer, and I know I could've done more to get things organized.
The list goes on and on and on...
*SIGH*
Instead of turning to God with my weaknesses and inadequacies, I am, by turns, hiding from them or trying to work through them on my own. I rather wish I could say that I was in a "valley" because if I was I'd probably be crying out to God for help, but as it is, I'm just coasting along in mild discontent.
