Monday, February 14, 2005
Sound of Silence
It's amazing how God can speak to you but not speak to you at the same time. This weekend at the WAY retreat I was basically bludgeoned over the head by God saying "LISTEN TO ME!!!" but even when I tried, I didn't actually hear him telling me anything (else).
Really, it was the eeriest thing. I read My Utmost for His Highest for the first time in two months on the Saturday, and title of the devo was: "Must I Listen?" As if the title wasn't catchy enough, the point Chamber made was right on target:
"Speak thou with us. . .but let not God speak with us [Exodus 20:19]" We show how little we love God by preferring to listen to His servants only. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we do not desire that God himself should speak to us. Why are we so terrified lest God should speak to us? Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing must be done or we must tell God we will not obey Him. If it is only the servant's voice we hear, we feel it is not imperative, we can say, "Well, that is simply your own idea, though I don't deny it is probably God's truth."
I am totally the type to make excuses for myself. Actually, I even use the excuse when it's just my own inner voice, and not someone else's--I tell myself I can't be certain that it's really God speaking and not just my own thoughts. So that was message #1 on listening to God.
Actually, it was probably message #2, since the retreat Bible study I went over with the kids on Sunday also talked about listening to God. The introductory blurb to the study, by Bruce Wilkinson, was about comfort zones and how people are held back from ministry because they're afraid God will send them to Africa or something. Now that I think about it, I realize that getting out of your comfort zone also has a lot to do with being willing to listen to God--since you should probably be listening to God to know which comfort zones he wants you to break out of, rather than doing so indiscriminantly.
Anyway, Jim messages also had a lot to do with listening to God--although unfortunately I was really out of it--tired and sleepy--through most of them, so I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been. One of the things I do clearly remember him talking about, however, is how many of us are willing to make Jesus our Saviour, but not our Lord, because if we allow him to be Lord, then that means we can't keep doing whatever we want and having control of our own lives. Again, allowing God to govern our lives has a lot to do with listening to God--it's a necessary foundation for it, in fact.
Then after the message, during the prayer time, I was talking with Sarah and Helaine, and Sarah mentioned how she wasn't really sure how to listen to God, and she felt like he wasn't actually saying anything to her. I told her that I was facing a similar problem, that I knew I needed to be listening to God, but that even when I did, I didn't hear anything, and I also said that maybe it was because of some sin or distraction or unconscious unwillingness, because God talks to us all the time if we're truly listening for him. So we prayed, among other things, that we would be able to do everything possible so that when God spoke, we'd be able to hear him.
Finally, yesterday when I did devotions (My Utmost again), Chambers talked about "The Devotion of Hearing":
The child attitude is alwaya, "Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareath" [1 Samuel 3:10]. If I have not cultivated this devotion of hearing, I can only hear God's voice at certain times, at other times I am taken up with things--things which I say I must do, and I become deaf to him, I am not living the life of a child. Have I heard God's voice today?
That was about as direct of an answer to our (Sarah, Helaine's and mine) prayers as I've ever had. Amazing.
But yeah, even though God's been telling me all this stuff about listening to him, he hasn't given me anything else to listen to, if you know what I mean. Here I am, all ready to listen to him and to try to do his will, and he doesn't tell me anything other than to listen to him--which I'm already trying to do.
So I'm quite confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe that's all he's actually saying right now? Maybe it's enough that I'm training myself to listen for and to him right now, and he's not asking for anything else? Or maybe I'm not actually "all ready to listen to him"? I know that there's still a persisten sin in my life which I'm still not completely ready to give up. I mean, I know it needs to stop, but I'm obviously not fully convinced of it yet because even though I am trying, I make myself vulnerable to that particular sin too often to be giving it my 100% to end it, if that makes any sense.
It's amazing how God can speak to you but not speak to you at the same time. This weekend at the WAY retreat I was basically bludgeoned over the head by God saying "LISTEN TO ME!!!" but even when I tried, I didn't actually hear him telling me anything (else).
Really, it was the eeriest thing. I read My Utmost for His Highest for the first time in two months on the Saturday, and title of the devo was: "Must I Listen?" As if the title wasn't catchy enough, the point Chamber made was right on target:
"Speak thou with us. . .but let not God speak with us [Exodus 20:19]" We show how little we love God by preferring to listen to His servants only. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we do not desire that God himself should speak to us. Why are we so terrified lest God should speak to us? Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing must be done or we must tell God we will not obey Him. If it is only the servant's voice we hear, we feel it is not imperative, we can say, "Well, that is simply your own idea, though I don't deny it is probably God's truth."
I am totally the type to make excuses for myself. Actually, I even use the excuse when it's just my own inner voice, and not someone else's--I tell myself I can't be certain that it's really God speaking and not just my own thoughts. So that was message #1 on listening to God.
Actually, it was probably message #2, since the retreat Bible study I went over with the kids on Sunday also talked about listening to God. The introductory blurb to the study, by Bruce Wilkinson, was about comfort zones and how people are held back from ministry because they're afraid God will send them to Africa or something. Now that I think about it, I realize that getting out of your comfort zone also has a lot to do with being willing to listen to God--since you should probably be listening to God to know which comfort zones he wants you to break out of, rather than doing so indiscriminantly.
Anyway, Jim messages also had a lot to do with listening to God--although unfortunately I was really out of it--tired and sleepy--through most of them, so I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been. One of the things I do clearly remember him talking about, however, is how many of us are willing to make Jesus our Saviour, but not our Lord, because if we allow him to be Lord, then that means we can't keep doing whatever we want and having control of our own lives. Again, allowing God to govern our lives has a lot to do with listening to God--it's a necessary foundation for it, in fact.
Then after the message, during the prayer time, I was talking with Sarah and Helaine, and Sarah mentioned how she wasn't really sure how to listen to God, and she felt like he wasn't actually saying anything to her. I told her that I was facing a similar problem, that I knew I needed to be listening to God, but that even when I did, I didn't hear anything, and I also said that maybe it was because of some sin or distraction or unconscious unwillingness, because God talks to us all the time if we're truly listening for him. So we prayed, among other things, that we would be able to do everything possible so that when God spoke, we'd be able to hear him.
Finally, yesterday when I did devotions (My Utmost again), Chambers talked about "The Devotion of Hearing":
The child attitude is alwaya, "Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareath" [1 Samuel 3:10]. If I have not cultivated this devotion of hearing, I can only hear God's voice at certain times, at other times I am taken up with things--things which I say I must do, and I become deaf to him, I am not living the life of a child. Have I heard God's voice today?
That was about as direct of an answer to our (Sarah, Helaine's and mine) prayers as I've ever had. Amazing.
But yeah, even though God's been telling me all this stuff about listening to him, he hasn't given me anything else to listen to, if you know what I mean. Here I am, all ready to listen to him and to try to do his will, and he doesn't tell me anything other than to listen to him--which I'm already trying to do.
So I'm quite confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe that's all he's actually saying right now? Maybe it's enough that I'm training myself to listen for and to him right now, and he's not asking for anything else? Or maybe I'm not actually "all ready to listen to him"? I know that there's still a persisten sin in my life which I'm still not completely ready to give up. I mean, I know it needs to stop, but I'm obviously not fully convinced of it yet because even though I am trying, I make myself vulnerable to that particular sin too often to be giving it my 100% to end it, if that makes any sense.
