Sunday, February 27, 2005
God Speaks
For the past little while I've been bemoaning the fact that although God has been asking me to listen to him, he hasn't been saying anything. Well, he spoke to me loud and clear today.
Actually, I've been getting hints of a message the past week or so, but it was really made crystal clear to me in Alfred Lam's message today: I need to make better use of the resources, specifically monetary, that God has given to me.
This is probably going to be rather long (as usual!) but I'm going to try to go over all the ways in which God has been speaking this message to me--not only to validate/reconfirm the message, but also to remind myself that God speaks in many ways.
The first thing was probably the casual comments between members of my (currently on hiatus) small group about how we haven't been keeping up with our grocery runs. During our summer session on giving, we agreed to try to do a grocery run every month, but I think that after the summer it's gone down to once every quarter. Talking about the grocery run reminded me about what we talked about in terms of giving, and I had a moment of regret that a lot of the good principles and reformed habits that came out of that summer didn't last longer.
Along those lines, last Sunday during offering I was reflecting that even though I had gotten paid recently, I wasn't planning on tithing--mostly because of my need to pay off my credit card bill first. I haven't actually given offering in more than a couple of months for basically that reason--I've been spending too much and have to scramble to pay off my credit card bill at the end of the month.
Also on Sunday I looked over the list of new Life Long Learning classes offered for the upcoming term and saw that Brenda and Vivian will be teaching a class on stewardship. Right away I thought: "this one's TOTALLY for me."
During the week I got my tax receipt from Foster Parents, and I was quite surprised to see that my total donation for the year was just under $400. I've always kind of resented the monthly expense of sponsoring a child, not because I don't think it's a good idea, but because it wasn't something I did out of my own initiative--someone came to our door, and I felt guilted into signing up. But when I looked at the total, I realized that my credit card bill from December was almost twice as much--and that was for Christmas gifts and things for myself over a period of a month, not something that really helped someone else for an entire year!!
Then yesterday my mom, brother and I were talking about buying cars, paying for condos/houses, etc. (my brother's trying to plan for both now that he's got a job) and I found out that when my dad lost his job, they refinanced the house. My mom's mentioned before how much she and my dad spend/sacrifice(d) for us, but usually when she's complaining about how lazy/ungrateful we are, so I never really paid attention. This time, however, I stopped to think, and I thought about how they let me stay in res in second year even though my dad didn't have a job at that point, and they've kept three cars for our convenience, even though two or even just one would've been all that was really necessary. So I realized that my parents really have done a lot for my brother and I--not just out of necessity, but for our happiness and convenience. It made me start thinking that I should really manage my own money better--I made $11,000 this year, according to my T4, and I only have $200 in savings, and $2000 invested in my education, so where did it all go?--so that I can pay for more of my own things and ease the burden on my parents. Not just that, but I want to start planning for taking care of them instead of vice-versa, even thoguh they're still pretty young.
Another thing that happened yesterday was I read this article in the Toronto Star about this woman who collects M&M memorabilia. She doesn't really like M&M's that much, but whenever she sees something M&M related, she has to buy it. The article went on to talk a bit (they quoted Werner Muensterberger, a psyciatrist and author of Collecting: An Unruly Passion: Psychological Perspectives) about the psychology of collecting, and how collecting provides a sense of security. I could totally buy that.
So the last thing was, as I mentioned, today's message: stewardship versus ownership. I've always kind of justified my careless spending with the belief that yes, I spend a lot on myself, but I'm also very generous to others. But listening to Alfred Lam, I realized that that was just an excuse for being selfish with my money. I am really blessed financially--I have a longstanding part-time (full-time in the summer) job at the bank which pays well and has extremely flexible hours, plus three students who provide an additional source of moderate income along with much needed teaching experience--but I've used my income mostly for accumulating stuff. His analalogy about how God wants us to live life like it's a Big 2 game (trying to find the best way to use the hand we're given to get rid of our cards in the maybe not fastest, but most effective way) made a lot of sense to me.
And not just that, but I was also convicted of my need to work harder at treating the persons God has placed in my life with love. It's not enough to give my time and money to causes and "people" if it means that I neglect the persons around me, that I come into contact with daily. That's why the discussion with my mom and brother yesterday was so important. I've always thought I should manage my money better, but the reasoning was always that I should have more savings. That was still selfish, so when faced with the temptation of short-term (selfish) pleasure, it was easy to cave. But this time I feel that God is calling me to manage my money better not just so I can give more to "the church" or to charities, but out of love for my parents and a desire to help ease the financial burden they've been dealing with since my dad lost his job (even though he's working now, his pay isn't what it used to be).
[Edit: Another cool thing abotu this was that because I was late and went to sit with Ben and Andre, I ended up sitting right in the front row! If you know me, you know that I usually zone out or fall asleep during the message. So even though Alfred's message was good enough to have kept me awake on its own merits, the fact that I was sitting right up front ensured that I'd be awake and paying attention--very rude to doodle, etc. right in front of the speaker!--to the message!]
Am I scared? Absolutely. What if God asks me to stop buying anime, manga, hockey cards, jerseys, and/or books? I don't know if my resolve would see me through that, honestly. But I've been asking God to speak to me, and I believe that he has, so I have to continue to listen to him as I evaluate my finances and spending. Most of all I have to trust that everything he asks will be for my benefit, and not just to make me give up things that I enjoy.
I haven't thought this through very much, or prayed about it, but I was thinking that one of the problems with my anime "habit" is that it's become to much of my own thing. In the early days I always used to have anime nights, which put anime in the service of fellowship and community. Recently I've shared "Fruits Basket" dvds with Brenda, Joeie, and Sarah and Andre, and Nausicaa graphic novels with Cecilia, and I realized that maybe that was something I could do to make my passion less selfish. I mean, I'm lucky to have the resources and knowledge to be able to keep up with anime, so wouldn't it be good for me to share my collection with others? And it'd be good for me too, because then I'd be able to talk about anime with others. ^_^ One of my dreams for a while has been to open an anime/manga library to encourage and facilitate interest in anime, but I've usually thought of it as something I'd do if I won the lottery or otherwise became mega rich. But you know, that's something I can do now on a much smaller scale, among the people I know! I've got a sizeable collection of dvds and graphic novels that I can make available for others! This may sound like a cop-out, a way to avoid really looking at my anime collecting and determining if it's an obsession that's hampering my relationship with God, but I think that considering I've already got so much, even if I decide I shouldn't keep buying more, I should make more efforts to use my collection to make others happy, and not just myself.
It's probably something I shouldn't start until the summer though--I don't want to be responsible for starting someone on a series that will distract them from studies, or whatever. =P
For the past little while I've been bemoaning the fact that although God has been asking me to listen to him, he hasn't been saying anything. Well, he spoke to me loud and clear today.
Actually, I've been getting hints of a message the past week or so, but it was really made crystal clear to me in Alfred Lam's message today: I need to make better use of the resources, specifically monetary, that God has given to me.
This is probably going to be rather long (as usual!) but I'm going to try to go over all the ways in which God has been speaking this message to me--not only to validate/reconfirm the message, but also to remind myself that God speaks in many ways.
The first thing was probably the casual comments between members of my (currently on hiatus) small group about how we haven't been keeping up with our grocery runs. During our summer session on giving, we agreed to try to do a grocery run every month, but I think that after the summer it's gone down to once every quarter. Talking about the grocery run reminded me about what we talked about in terms of giving, and I had a moment of regret that a lot of the good principles and reformed habits that came out of that summer didn't last longer.
Along those lines, last Sunday during offering I was reflecting that even though I had gotten paid recently, I wasn't planning on tithing--mostly because of my need to pay off my credit card bill first. I haven't actually given offering in more than a couple of months for basically that reason--I've been spending too much and have to scramble to pay off my credit card bill at the end of the month.
Also on Sunday I looked over the list of new Life Long Learning classes offered for the upcoming term and saw that Brenda and Vivian will be teaching a class on stewardship. Right away I thought: "this one's TOTALLY for me."
During the week I got my tax receipt from Foster Parents, and I was quite surprised to see that my total donation for the year was just under $400. I've always kind of resented the monthly expense of sponsoring a child, not because I don't think it's a good idea, but because it wasn't something I did out of my own initiative--someone came to our door, and I felt guilted into signing up. But when I looked at the total, I realized that my credit card bill from December was almost twice as much--and that was for Christmas gifts and things for myself over a period of a month, not something that really helped someone else for an entire year!!
Then yesterday my mom, brother and I were talking about buying cars, paying for condos/houses, etc. (my brother's trying to plan for both now that he's got a job) and I found out that when my dad lost his job, they refinanced the house. My mom's mentioned before how much she and my dad spend/sacrifice(d) for us, but usually when she's complaining about how lazy/ungrateful we are, so I never really paid attention. This time, however, I stopped to think, and I thought about how they let me stay in res in second year even though my dad didn't have a job at that point, and they've kept three cars for our convenience, even though two or even just one would've been all that was really necessary. So I realized that my parents really have done a lot for my brother and I--not just out of necessity, but for our happiness and convenience. It made me start thinking that I should really manage my own money better--I made $11,000 this year, according to my T4, and I only have $200 in savings, and $2000 invested in my education, so where did it all go?--so that I can pay for more of my own things and ease the burden on my parents. Not just that, but I want to start planning for taking care of them instead of vice-versa, even thoguh they're still pretty young.
Another thing that happened yesterday was I read this article in the Toronto Star about this woman who collects M&M memorabilia. She doesn't really like M&M's that much, but whenever she sees something M&M related, she has to buy it. The article went on to talk a bit (they quoted Werner Muensterberger, a psyciatrist and author of Collecting: An Unruly Passion: Psychological Perspectives) about the psychology of collecting, and how collecting provides a sense of security. I could totally buy that.
So the last thing was, as I mentioned, today's message: stewardship versus ownership. I've always kind of justified my careless spending with the belief that yes, I spend a lot on myself, but I'm also very generous to others. But listening to Alfred Lam, I realized that that was just an excuse for being selfish with my money. I am really blessed financially--I have a longstanding part-time (full-time in the summer) job at the bank which pays well and has extremely flexible hours, plus three students who provide an additional source of moderate income along with much needed teaching experience--but I've used my income mostly for accumulating stuff. His analalogy about how God wants us to live life like it's a Big 2 game (trying to find the best way to use the hand we're given to get rid of our cards in the maybe not fastest, but most effective way) made a lot of sense to me.
And not just that, but I was also convicted of my need to work harder at treating the persons God has placed in my life with love. It's not enough to give my time and money to causes and "people" if it means that I neglect the persons around me, that I come into contact with daily. That's why the discussion with my mom and brother yesterday was so important. I've always thought I should manage my money better, but the reasoning was always that I should have more savings. That was still selfish, so when faced with the temptation of short-term (selfish) pleasure, it was easy to cave. But this time I feel that God is calling me to manage my money better not just so I can give more to "the church" or to charities, but out of love for my parents and a desire to help ease the financial burden they've been dealing with since my dad lost his job (even though he's working now, his pay isn't what it used to be).
[Edit: Another cool thing abotu this was that because I was late and went to sit with Ben and Andre, I ended up sitting right in the front row! If you know me, you know that I usually zone out or fall asleep during the message. So even though Alfred's message was good enough to have kept me awake on its own merits, the fact that I was sitting right up front ensured that I'd be awake and paying attention--very rude to doodle, etc. right in front of the speaker!--to the message!]
Am I scared? Absolutely. What if God asks me to stop buying anime, manga, hockey cards, jerseys, and/or books? I don't know if my resolve would see me through that, honestly. But I've been asking God to speak to me, and I believe that he has, so I have to continue to listen to him as I evaluate my finances and spending. Most of all I have to trust that everything he asks will be for my benefit, and not just to make me give up things that I enjoy.
I haven't thought this through very much, or prayed about it, but I was thinking that one of the problems with my anime "habit" is that it's become to much of my own thing. In the early days I always used to have anime nights, which put anime in the service of fellowship and community. Recently I've shared "Fruits Basket" dvds with Brenda, Joeie, and Sarah and Andre, and Nausicaa graphic novels with Cecilia, and I realized that maybe that was something I could do to make my passion less selfish. I mean, I'm lucky to have the resources and knowledge to be able to keep up with anime, so wouldn't it be good for me to share my collection with others? And it'd be good for me too, because then I'd be able to talk about anime with others. ^_^ One of my dreams for a while has been to open an anime/manga library to encourage and facilitate interest in anime, but I've usually thought of it as something I'd do if I won the lottery or otherwise became mega rich. But you know, that's something I can do now on a much smaller scale, among the people I know! I've got a sizeable collection of dvds and graphic novels that I can make available for others! This may sound like a cop-out, a way to avoid really looking at my anime collecting and determining if it's an obsession that's hampering my relationship with God, but I think that considering I've already got so much, even if I decide I shouldn't keep buying more, I should make more efforts to use my collection to make others happy, and not just myself.
It's probably something I shouldn't start until the summer though--I don't want to be responsible for starting someone on a series that will distract them from studies, or whatever. =P
