Monday, January 26, 2004
Struggling
Yes, I haven't posted here for over a month, and the simple reason is because this blog is a reflection of my devotional life. No devotional life, no blog entries. Things have been pretty bad for me since the summer, I guess. (Looking back at my entries, you can see that after August, I didn't blog again until November.) It would be more understandable if I was preoccupied with school, but I wasn't really. I mean, I haven't done the readings for the first term in TWO courses, and I've forgotten at least 75% of the Japanese I learned, so obviously I wasn't studying Japanese too much. So what happened with me and God? I don't know.
So anyway, two fellowships ago we made resolutions for the New Year, and the really sad thing is that almost immediately after making them, I broke them. Well, before I get into that, my resolutions were:
1. Set aside quiet time each week, for prayer, devotions, the Bible and solitude.
2. Redevelop my conversational skills (which have dwindled to almost nothing since I entered university) so that I can strengthen and develop relationships and be more loving towards others.
3. Be a better steward. Manage my finances better; spend less money.
Number two is harder to judge, but definitely I've already failed big time for one and three in the past two weeks. First of all I went completely eBay crazy with all these people selling off huge lots at very cheap prices. They were cheap, but when you're buying tens and twentys of lots, it all adds up--not to mention the conversion from US funds. Then I just bought $200 tickets to the Colorado @ Toronto game, which I think is worth it, but just badly timed in terms of my finances.
And devotions? This seems to be my eternal struggle. I remember being so upset when I consistently read my Bible and devotions from My Utmost for His Highest for almost half a year or maybe more before I suddenly stopped for no apparent reason. Well, now I wish I could just read consistently for one month, and nevermind if I stop or continue after that! It's that bad.
It sounds oxymoronic, but I just feel this crushing sense of apathy, like I'm in limbo. I've described my spiritual life this way before, I know, but the lack of originality doesn't make it any less apt.
I think things are starting to get a little better though. It might sound insignificant, but I cut my eBay watching list down by half, and I haven't really added anything to it in the last couple of days either. Plus I went into work today even though I didn't really feel like it, because I know I need to make money to pay off my credit card bill. ^^;; Not much, I know, but a start.
Yes, I haven't posted here for over a month, and the simple reason is because this blog is a reflection of my devotional life. No devotional life, no blog entries. Things have been pretty bad for me since the summer, I guess. (Looking back at my entries, you can see that after August, I didn't blog again until November.) It would be more understandable if I was preoccupied with school, but I wasn't really. I mean, I haven't done the readings for the first term in TWO courses, and I've forgotten at least 75% of the Japanese I learned, so obviously I wasn't studying Japanese too much. So what happened with me and God? I don't know.
So anyway, two fellowships ago we made resolutions for the New Year, and the really sad thing is that almost immediately after making them, I broke them. Well, before I get into that, my resolutions were:
1. Set aside quiet time each week, for prayer, devotions, the Bible and solitude.
2. Redevelop my conversational skills (which have dwindled to almost nothing since I entered university) so that I can strengthen and develop relationships and be more loving towards others.
3. Be a better steward. Manage my finances better; spend less money.
Number two is harder to judge, but definitely I've already failed big time for one and three in the past two weeks. First of all I went completely eBay crazy with all these people selling off huge lots at very cheap prices. They were cheap, but when you're buying tens and twentys of lots, it all adds up--not to mention the conversion from US funds. Then I just bought $200 tickets to the Colorado @ Toronto game, which I think is worth it, but just badly timed in terms of my finances.
And devotions? This seems to be my eternal struggle. I remember being so upset when I consistently read my Bible and devotions from My Utmost for His Highest for almost half a year or maybe more before I suddenly stopped for no apparent reason. Well, now I wish I could just read consistently for one month, and nevermind if I stop or continue after that! It's that bad.
It sounds oxymoronic, but I just feel this crushing sense of apathy, like I'm in limbo. I've described my spiritual life this way before, I know, but the lack of originality doesn't make it any less apt.
I think things are starting to get a little better though. It might sound insignificant, but I cut my eBay watching list down by half, and I haven't really added anything to it in the last couple of days either. Plus I went into work today even though I didn't really feel like it, because I know I need to make money to pay off my credit card bill. ^^;; Not much, I know, but a start.
