Friday, November 28, 2003
A God Thing
When I read Dan's comment this morning, I was most struck by the reminder to be thankful. It's been something we've talked about in our small group--noticing the everyday graces--but in the past couple of weeks I've been so stressed with essays (last minute) and whatnot, I haven't been practicing thankfulness.
Today especially started off poorly. I didn't manage to finish off the kanji sheet which I had to hand in in class, plus I didn't really know the kanji for the kanji quiz. In Japanese class we were practicing for our upcoming oral quiz, and I felt really frustrated about my total suckiness (in speaking). I don't think I've ever hated that class more than I did today. Even though the feeling's been building up, it was still kind of out of nowhere. I mean, I've been pretty frustrated with the course because I don't think that it's structured to provide a fair evaluation of the amount of work we actually put into the class--the advantage people with Chinese backgrounds have with the kanji especially has been a sore spot for me--but today I was truly ready to just give up on the course entirely.
Then in between classes, I was waiting in the classroom for my Enlightenment Europe course (a lot of people do the same) and this girl was reading out loud. At first I couldn't figure out why she was reading out loud, and I got pretty irritated with it, especially since what she was reading didn't sound well written at all--the descriptions were totally insipid. Later on I realized that she was reading to an elderly woman, and I felt ashamed for my reaction, but the worst part was, I was still annoyed with her reading out loud. I don't even really know why. It wasn't such a big deal, but it totally ticked me off at the time.
I don't know, maybe it's because I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in the past four days, but I was really just angry and frustrated about everything today--until I received an email from my friend. She sent me a Thanksgiving card (yes, she knows that it's not Thanksgiving here) and thanked me for being a friend, and it finally hit me just how unthankful and wrong I was and had been.
As soon as I read it I started to think about just how blessed I am. I mean, with my friend, we can go months without writing to each other, but there isn't any insecurity in our relationship at all. The next time we write, it's just as natural, just as warm and loving, and I know that we both consider ourselves blessed to have formed such a friendship. And of course there's all the things that I'd lost sight of with my school worries: the fun of watching Monday's hockey game, buying hockey cards, being around Steph. Somehow I'd started to think that my life was just crappy, when it's anything but! I mean, even with my essays, it's only because of God that I've managed to hand all my essays in on time despite doing them at the last minute--especially the last one, I finished that one off in the Innis res, on my friend's comp just two hours before the deadline. There's SO much to be thankful for, but I haven't been thankful.
It was a total God thing that my friend wrote to me with the words I needed to here and when I needed her encouragement the most, and I'm so thankful for that. Anyway, I hope to keep up this attitude of thankfulness throughout the week, at the very least.
When I read Dan's comment this morning, I was most struck by the reminder to be thankful. It's been something we've talked about in our small group--noticing the everyday graces--but in the past couple of weeks I've been so stressed with essays (last minute) and whatnot, I haven't been practicing thankfulness.
Today especially started off poorly. I didn't manage to finish off the kanji sheet which I had to hand in in class, plus I didn't really know the kanji for the kanji quiz. In Japanese class we were practicing for our upcoming oral quiz, and I felt really frustrated about my total suckiness (in speaking). I don't think I've ever hated that class more than I did today. Even though the feeling's been building up, it was still kind of out of nowhere. I mean, I've been pretty frustrated with the course because I don't think that it's structured to provide a fair evaluation of the amount of work we actually put into the class--the advantage people with Chinese backgrounds have with the kanji especially has been a sore spot for me--but today I was truly ready to just give up on the course entirely.
Then in between classes, I was waiting in the classroom for my Enlightenment Europe course (a lot of people do the same) and this girl was reading out loud. At first I couldn't figure out why she was reading out loud, and I got pretty irritated with it, especially since what she was reading didn't sound well written at all--the descriptions were totally insipid. Later on I realized that she was reading to an elderly woman, and I felt ashamed for my reaction, but the worst part was, I was still annoyed with her reading out loud. I don't even really know why. It wasn't such a big deal, but it totally ticked me off at the time.
I don't know, maybe it's because I've only had about 12 hours of sleep in the past four days, but I was really just angry and frustrated about everything today--until I received an email from my friend. She sent me a Thanksgiving card (yes, she knows that it's not Thanksgiving here) and thanked me for being a friend, and it finally hit me just how unthankful and wrong I was and had been.
As soon as I read it I started to think about just how blessed I am. I mean, with my friend, we can go months without writing to each other, but there isn't any insecurity in our relationship at all. The next time we write, it's just as natural, just as warm and loving, and I know that we both consider ourselves blessed to have formed such a friendship. And of course there's all the things that I'd lost sight of with my school worries: the fun of watching Monday's hockey game, buying hockey cards, being around Steph. Somehow I'd started to think that my life was just crappy, when it's anything but! I mean, even with my essays, it's only because of God that I've managed to hand all my essays in on time despite doing them at the last minute--especially the last one, I finished that one off in the Innis res, on my friend's comp just two hours before the deadline. There's SO much to be thankful for, but I haven't been thankful.
It was a total God thing that my friend wrote to me with the words I needed to here and when I needed her encouragement the most, and I'm so thankful for that. Anyway, I hope to keep up this attitude of thankfulness throughout the week, at the very least.
