Friday, January 17, 2003
Trusting My Heart
I received some very good advice yesterday concerning softball:
Reading those words made me stop and think about my motives for wanting to continue serving on the softball committee.
At the end of the summer when I made the commitment, I was so fired up, so passionate about softball. Certainly I felt a bit scared about being the only person to make a definite commitment to softball, but I welcomed the challenge because I knew it would force me to rely more on God's strength than my own.
When I got the first response to an email I had sent out asking people to consider serving on the committee, I was ecstatic. I was certain that it was a sign of God's confirmation for me to continue in the ministry. Even though I didn't get any more interested replies, I had faith that God would call as many servants as necessary.
But then school work started to pile on and I got distracted by all the bustle of everyday life. I thought and prayed about softball every once in a while, but not with any regularity. The new year began and I knew I had to have a meeting for everyone interested in the committee soon, but I dragged my heels.
It wasn't until I received the applications for the park permits that I took action. In a state of near panic at how late it was getting to assemble a committee, I hastily found a time convenient for the people I knew were interested and set a meeting date. I had finally gotten the whole softball committee ball rolling, but my heart was heavy. I tried to ignore it, but I began to wonder if I was willfully trying to keep the softball ministry alive, when maybe it would be better to just let it go.
Then I received that message, and when I read the words my heart immediately cried "no!" Despite my unspoken doubts, I still felt deep in my heart that God still had work to be done in the softball ministry this year. I remembered then my joy in the first signs of interest in the committee, my certainty of God's calling me to the ministry, and I was encouraged.
Still, the seed of doubt had been brought to the surface, and my mind and heart were uneasy. I prayed earnestly last night for God to reveal his will to me, and that I would be willing to accept his answer, whatever it would be.
Then this morning I opened my email to find two messages: one asking for directions to my house, and one asking me to email more information on the committee as the person was unable to attend the meeting! It was one month from my email that I received the first reply, and still another month (almost two) before I found another interested person, and suddenly in the span of two days there were two more people at least interested in finding out more about the committee!
I do not know whether or not all of the people who have expressed interest will actually decide to join the committee, and I may turn out to be dead wrong about this, but right now I feel certain that MCBCSL's time has not yet ended. For this year, at least, I believe it is God's will that it continues.
And at the end of this all I have realized that it's just as important for me to trust my heart and the convictions God has laid in it, as it is to ask him to speak to my heart. For if I am constantly doubting even when I think that God has spoken to me, then I am ultimately going to depend on my ability to guess at God's will, and not depend on God himself.
I received some very good advice yesterday concerning softball:
| It is no shame to use your God-given mind to realize that the resources are not there. On the other hand, if you believe that God still has some work to do with this league, then by all means, go for it.But please, do not keep something alive simply because it existed before. Life will go on. . . . It is important to consecrate your actions before God knowing that you offered a sacrifice that was pleasing to him. |
Reading those words made me stop and think about my motives for wanting to continue serving on the softball committee.
At the end of the summer when I made the commitment, I was so fired up, so passionate about softball. Certainly I felt a bit scared about being the only person to make a definite commitment to softball, but I welcomed the challenge because I knew it would force me to rely more on God's strength than my own.
When I got the first response to an email I had sent out asking people to consider serving on the committee, I was ecstatic. I was certain that it was a sign of God's confirmation for me to continue in the ministry. Even though I didn't get any more interested replies, I had faith that God would call as many servants as necessary.
But then school work started to pile on and I got distracted by all the bustle of everyday life. I thought and prayed about softball every once in a while, but not with any regularity. The new year began and I knew I had to have a meeting for everyone interested in the committee soon, but I dragged my heels.
It wasn't until I received the applications for the park permits that I took action. In a state of near panic at how late it was getting to assemble a committee, I hastily found a time convenient for the people I knew were interested and set a meeting date. I had finally gotten the whole softball committee ball rolling, but my heart was heavy. I tried to ignore it, but I began to wonder if I was willfully trying to keep the softball ministry alive, when maybe it would be better to just let it go.
Then I received that message, and when I read the words my heart immediately cried "no!" Despite my unspoken doubts, I still felt deep in my heart that God still had work to be done in the softball ministry this year. I remembered then my joy in the first signs of interest in the committee, my certainty of God's calling me to the ministry, and I was encouraged.
Still, the seed of doubt had been brought to the surface, and my mind and heart were uneasy. I prayed earnestly last night for God to reveal his will to me, and that I would be willing to accept his answer, whatever it would be.
Then this morning I opened my email to find two messages: one asking for directions to my house, and one asking me to email more information on the committee as the person was unable to attend the meeting! It was one month from my email that I received the first reply, and still another month (almost two) before I found another interested person, and suddenly in the span of two days there were two more people at least interested in finding out more about the committee!
I do not know whether or not all of the people who have expressed interest will actually decide to join the committee, and I may turn out to be dead wrong about this, but right now I feel certain that MCBCSL's time has not yet ended. For this year, at least, I believe it is God's will that it continues.
And at the end of this all I have realized that it's just as important for me to trust my heart and the convictions God has laid in it, as it is to ask him to speak to my heart. For if I am constantly doubting even when I think that God has spoken to me, then I am ultimately going to depend on my ability to guess at God's will, and not depend on God himself.
