Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Blank
Today was one of those unfortunate days when everything I read briefly registered in my mind and then promptly faded again. ^^;;
Not only that, but I don't actually have much to say about anything else either.
I suppose I could talk about the mission trip meeting that I attended on Saturday. Well, I'm glad that I went not only because it provided me an opportunity to hear other people's views on and experiences with missions, but because it strengthened my own resolve to go on the trip, despite my feelings of antipathy.
As I've mentioned before, I don't really want to go, but for some reason I feel very strongly that I should go. Strangely enough, the more reasons that I come up with not to go--it's expensive; it'll be scorching and I hate heat; we'll be working with children and I don't like children; we'll be talking to strangers and I'm no good at that; it'll be in the middle of the softball season; it's bad timing in terms of my summer job; I'm a homebody so I'd rather stay home; &etc.--the more I feel compelled to go.
It's not something that I understand myself, and I'm pretty sure the others at the meeting didn't really understand either. We all went around and gave our reasons for going, and pretty much everyone else wanted to go on a mission trip except for me. They all looked pretty confused when I started saying that the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go. I guess one way to explain it would be my naturally contrary nature.
People keep telling me that I should join softball, and consequently I become all the more determined to NEVER play softball. I've always known that I often like to oppose myself against other's opinions, but I never realized that I would go against myself as well.
At any rate, I suppose that knowing how I feel about the trip, I should work extra hard to relinquish my will to God's. If I'm holding it against him for calling me to go against my own desires the whole time, then I might as well ignore God's will completely rather than giving in grudgingly, y'know? I don't know if I'll ever be rah rah about the trip, but I should probably be more than resigned to it. Guess it's a matter of finding joy in doing God's will, rather than in my external circumstances.
Good thing the summer's far enough away, because I think it's going to take a long time to prepare my heart for this mission trip.
Today was one of those unfortunate days when everything I read briefly registered in my mind and then promptly faded again. ^^;;
Not only that, but I don't actually have much to say about anything else either.
I suppose I could talk about the mission trip meeting that I attended on Saturday. Well, I'm glad that I went not only because it provided me an opportunity to hear other people's views on and experiences with missions, but because it strengthened my own resolve to go on the trip, despite my feelings of antipathy.
As I've mentioned before, I don't really want to go, but for some reason I feel very strongly that I should go. Strangely enough, the more reasons that I come up with not to go--it's expensive; it'll be scorching and I hate heat; we'll be working with children and I don't like children; we'll be talking to strangers and I'm no good at that; it'll be in the middle of the softball season; it's bad timing in terms of my summer job; I'm a homebody so I'd rather stay home; &etc.--the more I feel compelled to go.
It's not something that I understand myself, and I'm pretty sure the others at the meeting didn't really understand either. We all went around and gave our reasons for going, and pretty much everyone else wanted to go on a mission trip except for me. They all looked pretty confused when I started saying that the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go. I guess one way to explain it would be my naturally contrary nature.
People keep telling me that I should join softball, and consequently I become all the more determined to NEVER play softball. I've always known that I often like to oppose myself against other's opinions, but I never realized that I would go against myself as well.
At any rate, I suppose that knowing how I feel about the trip, I should work extra hard to relinquish my will to God's. If I'm holding it against him for calling me to go against my own desires the whole time, then I might as well ignore God's will completely rather than giving in grudgingly, y'know? I don't know if I'll ever be rah rah about the trip, but I should probably be more than resigned to it. Guess it's a matter of finding joy in doing God's will, rather than in my external circumstances.
Good thing the summer's far enough away, because I think it's going to take a long time to prepare my heart for this mission trip.
